It’s two steps forward and one step back. That’s the way Barbara has been viewing our progress – or lack thereof – towards acquiring and fixing up THE apartment for occupancy by the agreed upon date of Dec. 3 (2024).  I see things differently – because that’s what I do. Here’s how I described what was going on to my brother over the telephone.

Frank, you’re going back to the City from your country place. How long does it usually take you, two and a half hours? Three and a half, was his reply. You stop at the convenience store along the way, the place you usually go to. You notice that one of your tires looks a little flat, and you wind up having to change it. You start out and when you get to the highway, there’s a huge accident and everyone is rubbernecking, so you’re stuck there for a while. Then there’s road repair going on, and that holds you up. And as you get near The Bronx, there’s serious traffic because everyone and his brother are heading towards the City from who knows where. Every time you are done with one delay, and you hope that’s the end of it, there’s another bottleneck in front of you. Stop and go, stop and go, all the way to the toll booth going into Manhattan. So how long is your trip, five, five and half hours, six hours? Fortunately, Frank doesn’t have one of his medical appointments, so whatever time he and Abby make it back, they’re not late. It’s not that that you’re ever taking a step backwards – even though it may seem that way at times.  You’re just stopping and going to beat the band.

When we left off last time, the Good Ship Casden had set sail, ostensibly heading into clear waters. But little did we know we would wind up in the Paperwork Sea, through which it is difficult for even an experienced pilot to navigate. Our main concern was reaching our destination before Rosh Hashana, because who wants to be out to sea emotionally during these turbulent times?

9AM. Sep. 29. That was the time for our appointment with Dudu, our banker, to sign for our new mortgage, which he had personally approved a month or more before. So no worries on that score.

Well, yes and no. We signed for the mortgage, but there were a few ‘loose ends’ we would need to take care of, to wit: 1) Buyers (Shlomie and Revital) need to transfer enough of the money they owe us so we can pay out our old mortgage. 2) One day after that, we need to call *6062 (Bank Leumi central office) to inform them that the buyers have made the payment, and the office needs to send a statement that our old mortgage is being cancelled to Dudu (our mortgage banker in Ma’ale Adummim). 3) We need to pick up this statement from Dudu and get it to Emanuel (our lawyer). 4) He will take that document to ‘Gouda’ (the mortgage company our buyers are using). 5) Emanuel will pick up this new document, attesting to the fact that we are the sole owners of our current apartment. 6) Emanuel will then give this new document to our buyers, which will enable them to transfer the bulk of the money we are owed to our account. 7) We will then transfer this large sum of money to the contractor from whom we are buying our new apartment, whereupon we can begin doing what we need to in THE apartment.

That’s not the end of it, not by a long shot; it’s just what Dudu told us would have to happen. Once we got through #s 1-7, we would be done with part A, securing the mortgage for our new apartment. But would the Good Ship Casden be heading into clear waters? By now, you know better than to ask such a question.

Later that day, we got a call from Dudu. (Now what?) We needed to be back at the bank the next morning, both of us. If you have a calendar handy when you’re reading this, you will figure out PDQ that we were just a few days – not much time to breathe – from Rosh Hashana. It goes without saying that there were a few other things I had in mind to do that morning, but when your banker summons you…

What was so important that we had to drop everything and head to the mall? Seems that one of the forms we had signed had the wrong date on it, which Dudu sort of admitted was on him. Just sign the multiple copies of the new form and we’re good to go – which you are free to consider as a question rather than a statement.

Because later that afternoon we got a call from Emanuel. There was something else we needed to sign, but at least he was willing to come to us. That evening we went downstairs where our lawyer was waiting in front of our building. Using the top of an electrical box near our entrance as a makeshift desk and the flashlight app on his phone for illumination, he had us sign one more set of forms.

I’m just the happy signer; I’ll put my scribble on virtually anything if need be – even if I can barely see where on the paper I’m supposed to make my mark. But Barbara had to ask. We were giving our buyers permission to take out a mortgage on our apartment. If at this point you are experiencing a growing sense of bewilderment, please believe me, you are not alone. If we were back in New Jersey, in the process of buying a new car, we would not need the dealer’s permission to take out an auto loan. What was this about, what was any of this all about? There must be some logic – albeit hard to discern – why so many different forms and so many copies of each form are needed to sell one apartment and buy another, but did I have the strength for any of this? And even if I did, would any of you have cared? We were two days from Rosh Hashana, not your run-of-the mill Rosh Hashana (if such a thing is possible) but this Rosh Hashana, one with hostages and a war going on to create a growing sense of urgency. That is, if you’re not too distracted to notice. (Remember, some of us have Attention Deficit.) But so it is in The Land where normalcy is abnormal. At least, no one has been shooting at us in Ma’ale Adummim, which is more than some of our friends up north can say.